Monday, March 30, 2009

Controversial Bear law long over due.

Straitline Components and Ryan Berrecloth to Release Bear Systems TM

"Straitline Components of British Columbia Canada have teamed up North Shore Local Ryan Berrecloth to launch new safety measures for the infamous North Shore and Whistler regions of BC.

Controversy has been stirring over new safety measures for all mountain bikers as mandatory bear laws come into effect as early as this month, banning all lift and trail access to those not compliant. "
- The Vancouver Sun, April 1st 09

The question has always been how can we stay safe while riding and building in Bear Country?

The answer came to me when I took a frantic call from Ryan Berrecloth last fall when he was charged by a Bear while building a new line for a upcoming shoot.

“Greg, you're not going to believe this but I was just out building that line I showed you over the creek bed, literally hammering the last board on the lip when the whole thing started to shake.

I looked back and a fricking Bear was in full charge running down my line! I didn’t even have time to move I just let out a yell and held on to the edge the best I could as the bear flew by me and sent it over the creek!

I was freaking out, NOBODY poaches my lines!”

So we brought Ryan over to our factory and asked him to recreate what he yelled at the bear to make it run away. Showed him a chainsaw that wouldn't start and recorded his high pitch scream on a High DEF BlueRay Disk and went to work.

We simply Utilized Aerospace Space Aged Aircraft Solid Billet Aluminum (ASAASBA) to devise a cutting edge bear system that mimics your bikes every movement providing constant screaming as you rip down any BC Trails.

Since last fall we have struck deals with all of BC’s biking resorts and with the help of the BC Government secured the rights to sell the Bear Bell Systems, pretty much took the whole market over night and the money is insane!

We Collaborated with to make a series of public awarness videos!

Straitline Bear Bell Technology from Eric Peterson on Vimeo.

I personally vow to enforce and educate riders on the use of our Bear Bell System! I will be at every Trail head and every lift line this summer checking everyone's Bikes and rejecting those who do not comply!


Bears are big and brown except baby bears which are much smaller!

Bears are a very Proud People though they are not people per say but an animal!

Bears derive their name from a football team in Chicago but live in British Columbia Canada!

It is estimated that bears kill over 2 million salmon a year! However, Salmon attacks on bears are much more rare!

Bears also have been known to attack and kill man, but the fact is they have killed less men than World War 1 and World War 2 combined!

With the loss of their habitats bears have developed bad habits!

When interviewed about the bear bells 9 out of 10 bears said
mmmwwwahhhwgrrsnort! But if I spoke Bear I would take that as "I think this is the worst April 1st Prank yet!"


dotca said...


Hustler said...

"Bears are big and brown except baby bears which are much smaller!
" - Couldn't have said it better myself.

Killerbarbies said...

even by Straitline standards that was so unbelievably naff...Greg, you have raised the bar for humour to unscalable heights